I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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