WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
