i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
