My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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