My sheets look like a crime scene.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
