maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
