I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
