I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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