I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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