I got chris browned last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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