I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
