He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
