how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
