How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
