That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize