if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
