She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to calm my uterus...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
