I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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