I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
