after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
