Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
