I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
