My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
