On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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