Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Two words: blizzard sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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