This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
