We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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