I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
