Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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