Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
this is an emotional support booty call
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
