Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
