I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
