Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
