i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
