so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
