Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
