He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
