so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
