I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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