I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
