i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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