what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize