i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
