Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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