We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
