So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
