the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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