when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
