I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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