God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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