nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
