We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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