either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
