Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
