I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
