I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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