He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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