Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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