So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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