My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
