Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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