the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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