Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
