Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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