my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
